Identity Theft (A Confession)
This isn’t really being written by Tim.
I know his log on details and passwords.
I know his bank details, where he works,
His car registration, birthday and mother’s maiden name.
I know an awful lot about him:
The places he goes, the people he sees.
Those he loves and hasn’t told.
Those he’d like to but won’t tell.
I know what he did last summer.
But this isn’t about Tim, it’s about me:
The monster that lives in his head.
On a good day,
I confusticate, vex and confuddle him,
I could also m*ddle him
But the rhymes are saved for the last verse.
On a good day,
I help him forget,
I help him wish upon vain fancies,
And idly while-away the hours he could better spend.
On a good day,
I paint it black
In wondrous shades that hide the light:
A stormcloud in front of stars.
On a good day,
I don’t have to do all that much
- The merest of whispers
and
He
almost
believes
he
is
me.
There’s no room for a monster under his bed;
Tim’s personal monster lives in his head.
I am Tim’s monster and I want him dead.
But not yet(d).
I’m having far too much fun at the moment.
Tell your monster I said, “Hello.”
January 11th, 2010 at 12:17 pm
Dear monster.
I’ve known about you for some time. Oh, I’ve never seen you, never met you, but I’ve seen the results of what you do to Tim. I’ve seen the games you play with him, and I’ve seen the results. I’ve had long conversations with Tim and heard the struggles he has with you, the times when you won, and when he lost. And the times he defeated you.
Well, monster: This is my official declaration of war.
Did you get that? You’ve got more than one person to deal with now, and that’s just the start.
You see, I know the person you think you know so well. I’m sure you know his secrets, his bank details and other things that no-one else does. And you also know what I know.
I know that you are scared of him, of what he can be and what he is.
You’ve spent a lot of time trying to hide that, haven’t you? But what we both know, and Tim, knows, on a good day is that this is a man with more courage and strength than you have in your wildest dreams. And more than that, Tim has another thing you are scared of:
Tim is a son of Yahweh, the living God, the creator of all things, the resurrected one, the Lord of all Life. And that God promises that nothing will ever separate Tim from his love.
Did you hear that, Monster? If Monsters could wet their pants, that’s what you would do every time you or Tim, were reminded of that. Because it’s true. I know this because I see this in his life, in the faltering, struggling steps he makes and the struggles he shares. I see it in his bravery, his strength and his wisdom. I see it in his patience and sympathy when I’m sharing about my monsters -yes, I have them too.
I know you have a lot of fun with Tim’s mistakes. You tell him he’s a failure for all the times he stumbles and falls. But we both know this: Tim is in good company. When I read my bible, I see many people who had monsters, who thought they were failures. These people changed the course of history, of nations, of the world. And now they are in the presence of God.
I don’t know why that God allows you so much freedom to mess with Tim. I do know it’s not because of something Tim did or who he is. I do know this:
One day, Monster, he will win, and you will die.
That’s not because of Tim, or me, but because there’s a power in us that’s greater than you. And you know that too, and it scares you as well.
Now I’m sure you’ll be telling Tim that if I or anyone else knew what he was really like, we would all abandon him. But we both know that Yahweh knows this already, knew it years ago and still loves him, still wants him, and is still very proud of him.
So, Monster, you may as well give up now. You’ve had your fun, but you’ve really made me annoyed, and more to the point, you’ve made Yahweh really angry. I’m not much threat to you myself, of course, but I pray. Not as much as I should, or very well, but will keep praying.
Because Tim is my friend.
And Tim is God’s son.
And God and I want you dead.
January 11th, 2010 at 5:47 pm
Thank you, Andy.
The Real Tim